AYNAIJANG CHRONICLE: HOW TO DEAL
WITH ARISING CONFLICTS IN A RELATIONSHIP OR MARRIAGE
Whether you are married or in a love relationship conflicts do arise. Today's lengthy but inspiring article (please accept my apologies in advance) is aimed at arming you with the right knowledge so that you could handle your issues in a mature way.
From one marriage to another, or from one love relationship to another, conflicts do arise and vary. With some, conflicts could arise in the area of s*x, while with others it could be in the areas of family finance, career, extended families, child bearing, parenting, etc. Whatever the challenge, conflicts are not meant to break up the relationship or marriage. No. They are the acid test. Unknown to many people, they test the strength of our love, the strength of our character, the strength of our moral values, the strength of our spirituality, the strength of our maturity, the strength of our knowledge of what marriage truly is, the strength of our patience, the strength of our tolerance, and most importantly, our knowledge of God's word regarding relationship or marriage.
Now let's briefly see the principles of conflict resolution.
1. Be calm:
During conflicts the nerves may be up, causing anger to well up in us. And the consequences of the actions are usually raised voices, insults. But anger never solves anything. Be calm and address your issues.
2. Discuss the issues:
Any problem which isn't discussed can't be solved. Discuss the burning issues with the mind of resolving them and not to make them escalate.
3. Restrain yourselves from further provocations:
Of course, during conflicts, most times our emotions are worked up. We are not in the right frame of mind. Please it's advised that both spouses or lovers refrain themselves from further provocations. Don't insult, curse, or start a fight. Women, please mind your mouths. Exercise caution. There is no law anywhere that says you should insult your husbands while in a "fight" or trying to resolve your problems. Calling him "useless man", "idiot", "loser", "yeye man", "good for nothing husband", " were", "olori buruku", " anuofia", "ewu",etc, won't solve the issues at hand. In fact, if care is not taken, the man may end up doing what he will regret later. And to you the men, please don't lay your hands on your lover or spouse. It's true that some of them could be highly, highly provocative, still don't touch her. Refrain yourself.
4. Deal with your issues like friends, not like enemies:
Honestly, sometimes, conflicts can poison our emotions towards our lovers or spouses. And that's exactly what Satan wants to achieve at the end of the day. His objective is to paint them in the wrong light so as to break relationships and marriages. However, your lover or spouse is not an enemy, your enemy. Whatever the challenge, that fact should never be forgotten. It helps in conflict resolution.
5. Be very committed to seeking a resolution:
Both lovers or spouses should be very committed to finding solutions to their problems and not making things escalate.
6. Be humble and willing to let go:
Nothing breaks a relationship or marriage like pride. Pride, more often than none, is what is actually breaking relationship or marriage and not even the very problem. If you're a "no-nonsense" or "I no go gree man or woman" your marriage can't last or better still, won't be blissful. Be ready to shift grounds, to compromise or even make some sacrifices. In marriage humility is power, not a weakness. So use it to the benefit of your marriage or relationship.
7. Forgive yourselves:
A healthy relationship or marriage is one where both spouses or lovers understand the place and power of forgiveness and demonstrate it always. Don't let your issues linger for too long. Please forgive yourselves just as God forgives us in Christ daily. Saying "I am sorry" can heal a relationship or save a marriage from divorce. Please be wise.
8. Let the romance continue:
When a conflict in a relationship or marriage has been dealt with, please move on from there. Let your romance continue from wherever you both left it. Put behind you the incident by not keeping malice at each other, but loving yourselves like never before.
9. Should you be unable to resolve your conflicts by yourselves, please seek help:
At this juncture, for the sake of helping those lovers or spouses who can't resolve their own issues by themselves, it is wisdom for them to seek help. Please call in a pastor, counselor, coach or any trusted and respected person to intervene in the matter. Don't be shy, proud or ashamed to do that if that is the last or only option that could redeem your relationship or marriage at the verge of breaking. By the way, didn't the Bible say: "In the multitude of counselors there is safety?"
Lastly, be reminded that divorce isn't God's plan for you because marriage is meant to be enjoyed and to last forever. Therefore, no matter the conflicts, while being angry at each other (that's alright), however, don't forget that God gets let down whenever there is a divorce. If you've been divorced already, please accept my utmost sympathy and prayers. God loves you and He will redirect your life. Just trust Him now like never before.
Today I pray that our marriages and relationships will not break up. And every troubled home or relationship receive divine peace right now. If there is anyone already in a faulty relationship, I pray that the God will divinely separate you both in Jesus name!
BY AYNAIJANG NEWS CEO